Dear Chloe
by Lisislyf
Summary: A short and sweet dribble-drabble of Max's one last journal entry written for only 'her'. Takes place a month after her funeral. Written for a sense of closure with a touch of love.


_Dear Chloe,_

* * *

It's a been a month since your funeral. Wowser. Time goes by hella fast, doesn't it? Hella. That word... You were such a good-bad influence on me, it's actually hard to believe. You should give me props for that by the way. No teasing. Be proud of your creation. Anyway, you should make your ass comfortable up there on a fluffy cloud while I write this. It's gonna be a long one. Chloe Price, are you listening? Okay, good.

I am on the cliff at the moment. I go here every evening, just at the base of sunset, just to hear a silence I can't seem to find anywhere... Feeling an absence that only I can feel. Yet, I'm trying to savor a form of presence that doesn't even exist. That of I cannot share with anyone else.

The breeze here is back to normal, there's no signs of high winds nor is there a giant ass monster hovering over this "Hell Hole," as you've called it. The air is sweet and free, but I feel like I'm suffocating every time this place becomes my destination. I'm alone. It's just me.

Everyone has been alright. _Alive. Breathing_.

Kate is so much happier now and we finally got to go to our tea session. Heh, she's always been such a sweetheart, especially compared to you. That's right, you can be a dick, Price. But I miss you. How about Warren you ask? Well... I've yet to go Ape with him. I keep promising him that I would, to avoid disappointing him directly, but I always stall and stall; no matter how much he asks. Stalling to the point to when he will finally stop asking, because I don't even ever plan to go with him. With anyone else.

What? I'm the ass now? Nah, it's your fault. My days were only reserved for you... the days we planned to go on our road trip, planned to buy donuts, to buy your weed, your booze, my books from Powell's, and a have quick stop to your strip club. Those days we had reserved for later. Funny thing is that I never knew that heading to a strip club with you would be such a missed opportunity. I'd give up my own body just to go to one with _you_ right now... You get the point.

Your mom is coping much better now. Her eyes are still sad and empty in the few times I'd visit her at the diner every few days, but lately there's been some lightness in her mood to which I cannot understand how she's obtained it. Sometimes I just stare at her in disbelief on how fast she is moving on, something I refuse to do. Her voice is higher with each customer again, she tells me the different things she does with her time rather than just sitting and thinking all day about the day you've passed on, and she talks about happy memories of you instead of the sad ones now.

She actually had the energy to finally pack up all your stuff a few days ago and sent them away to I don't know. I was secretly hoping that she'd asked me to help her. So that I can touch your stuff, just one more time. Be nosy once more, which is improving by the way. I wanted to get a smell of your clothes for the last time, hoping that the scent would stick to my own clothes. Get a single and final nostalgic feeling sitting on the edge of your bed with the breeze blowing through and under your upside down flag, while the sun spreads out its colors and illuminating around every corner of your room. To faintly let our track list play in the background, while I'd reminisce that one morning we have lied there, _unmoving_... breathing steadily beside you, inhaling your every exhale... But I couldn't. She is your mother. She deserves much more closure with her own memories that she holds with your possessions and trinkets. Every single memento of you.

However, every now and then when I am heading to the cliff, I would pass by your house. It's still the same. It looks as if it wasn't robbed of a single person that used to live in it at all. David never got to painting the rest. That lazy bastard, right? But yet, your home still has that warm feeling that I remember from the yesteryears. It's so majestic in its own way, as if it's a box full of memories.

Still, I always look up to your room window and wonder how empty it exactly is now. If it's just another room that's ready to become another Christmas storage space. Wondering if I'd feel sadder or happier to see it in a different light. If they had painted over the walls because they cannot stand the painful words of your personal vandalism. Those written feelings that you just couldn't voice out because you were too prideful, or maybe the pain had already consumed you too deeply. Little did they know that they caused you to write those. Obliviously smearing you with emotional abuse.

You left this world— scratched that. Your chance for happier days was taken away from you by a single trigger, thinking that nobody cared. Feeling abandoned. But yet, I love you so much that it can swallow the sun and you'd never know. You never knew.

 _God, Chloe..._

I can't stop thinking about you... what do I do? I can't even plan out the week or the future, because a future without you is a reality I don't want to live in. I have a daily routine that I just follow without a single disobedience. I wake up. I eat. I go to class. I give away smiles to passersby, all meaninglessly and incoherently. Take those, and then repeat those. You were the one that sparked up that life and the confidence that left my body for five years that I feel like I've wasted because they didn't contain you. You were and are my everything.

I was ready to give up the world for you, but you wanted to be a hero.

You know, one of those Super Hero Pirates that we promised that we'd become ever since we were kids. Well, you're one now, but sorry, you aren't so super.

You are my hero. All the time, everyday. Today and tomorrow. One that just can't seem to come and save me from these emotions that are drowning me inside and out. You've saved everyone, but you simply can't take me to run away with you. All it'd take is for you to appear in front of me, just one more time. That's all. I won't even ask to hold you. I'm not a very selfish person... you know?

You're also everyone's hero, but they don't even know, they don't even care. That pains me more than it should. _THE mighty savior_ , Chloe Price, is only left with a lasting reputation of being that low-life delinquent that got shot on a random Monday morning. Soon that reputation will fade away with the whispers of your name as well. They don't know that you are the reason why they get to be alive with the people they love, with the person they love. A luxury that I don't have anymore.

Everyone is just somebody now. But you are Priceless, with every goddamn pun intended.

 ** _Brrrrrr..._**

Right now, it's getting cold. The gold hue of the horizon is now turning to blue, much like you. Soon it'll turn Black. Stop turning off the lights, Chloe, jeez. You do this every night. Let me stay with you a little longer. Now, Blueberry. That's right, I know you're flipping me off from up there, through the dimmed clouds. So stubborn. Fuck you too...

Seriously though, I just want to just stay a little longer. I _need_ to stay a little longer. Just give me this one last night, alright? My bags are packed beside me and my ticket is already in my pocket for convenience, so that we can spend this last hour together and a little more. My flight is exactly at midnight, it's 9:32 pm now. My parents are waiting for me in Seattle. I've given my goodbyes and farewells to everyone earlier today; to your Mom, David, Kate, Warren, Samuel, the students and faculty members, and even Victoria.

But I needed this last one with you. With only everything separating us. The clouds catching you endlessly from falling back down here next to me. On this cliff, just you and I. At our special place that I promise I won't allow anyone else to claim.

—What's that? Did I just feel a a single rain drop? Pfft, typical Chloe, trying to hide her feelings from everything around her, even up in heaven, eh? Now give me a smile. Light the sky back to the morning glow from earlier. I'll give you this one last chance to appear...

Come on...

Try harder...

...I know you can't. Too hard, huh?

But don't look so sad, I'll be back some day. You've got all the time in the world now. I know you'll be waiting for me.

It's the power of friendship... and love.

Rest tight, Chloe.

* * *

 _Sincerely and love,_

 _Max Caulfield_

 _Monday, November 11th, 2013_

 _9:59 pm_


End file.
